This old AIC tradition, I would just like to ressurect it. Kagato playing with his Thingy:



Little known history of thingy, Part One, as told to me by Yosho.

Oh, people know about Kagato's thingy all right. It's too big to miss.

But Kagato once had a small thingy, which he was embarassed over before attending the Academy. He let a few others touch it, but whenever they wanted to seriously play with it, he hid it in embarassment lest the others laugh at him and his tiny thingy. Neither he nor his thingy made too much noise, keeping quiet so they could escape attention.

Then one day he met a redheaded professor and fell in love. Ordinarily Washu didn't like or bother with such small thingies but love changes much. Day and night she worked his thingy, stretching the design to its limits, but in the end his impotent thingy became an object of grandier, much bigger than before. Washu had to do it in secret as professors are not supposed to do that type of thing for their students, even their best ones. It got so big that it nearly collapsed but she stiffened the structure of his thingy permanently. She thought his thingy got too big though..... as she couldn't fit it in certain places...... but you know how guys are about the size of their thingys, bigger is better no matter what.

Kagato started playing with his thingy so much that he almost flunked out of school. Washu tried to talk him into reducing the size of his thingy...... and that made Kagato mad. He thought, 'She's allowed to touch and play with my thingy anytime..... but the size of my thingy is my business."

Her remorse over the size of the thingy never waned, for her student insisted on showing it to all her guests, trying to impress them with his thingy's size and his skill playing with his thingy, how quickly he was able reach a climatic cresendo with his thingy and still have stamina to keep on playing with it. His obsession over his own thingy never ceased, much to her discontent, and her own organs were neglected.

When she tried to play with her own organs, which she preferred to have small and compact, she sighed, it was much more exciting to watch others finger her organ, and it puzzled her how Kagato could have fun playing with his own. She vowed to reduce the size of his thingy, thereby hopefully alleviating Kagato of his swollen head.

Thus, when he found her best blue dress stained with the sticky lubrication of his thingy, he knew that she was trying to make it small again! Therefore he locked her away in a stasis crystal, and to add insult to injury, he lugged his thingy into the Souja, and played with his thingy hours on end where he knew she could observe........

End Part One.

Is there no limit to your imagination, Jibri?

I hadn't ever seen this before, it was really funny though! Did the Jibril write this herself? The wordplay was quite clever

*Claps*

I am worried about posting more, I not want to upset bkev personage. He has been nice to me>.>

don't worry Jib, this gave me a laugh. XD

Little known history of thingy, Part Two.

Having sealed Washu away, Kagato realized something. Even though she became such an annoyance in the end, Washu was the one who regularly cleaned his thingy, not only the exterior, but kept the plumbing clear and unblocked as well, which could happen even with his regular playing with it. The problem was that Washu used to clean his thingy with her mouth, despite its massive girth, and somehow her saliva was the one substance that polished it off correctly. He cursed himself, they never were able to replicate her oral secretions properly.

He avoided technology at first, no self respecting man like him should have to stoop so low as to use man-made solutions. He had to admit, that he rather enjoyed watching Washu bob her head up and down on the central long pipe, somehow it pleased him immensely, especially when she worked down to the base.

Only a moment of guilt washed over him as he recalled that he returned the favor only once to clean off her organ in the same fashion, but the job never appealed to him again after that one experience. Although it was supposed to be only a cleaning job, she insisted that he finger the "correct" notes every so often, she called them 'keys to happiness' but the accompaning high pitched sounds rather grated on his nerves. He figured that those sounds bellowed forth when one had such a tiny organ, and wished Washu fine tuned her own puzzling contraption herself. Especially after having to repeatedly being told he wasn't hitting the 'G' correctly. It always seemed he never could quite finger it correctly, always being one step away like some desert mirage. It became his belief that Washu's organ simply didn't have this 'mystical' key.

After having tried everything else, one day he realized that technology was the one solution left and it made him cringe. He could foresee the main shaft being scatched and scathed and a number of other disasters that could bring the bearing of his thingy to merely mediocre.

Finally, he succumbed, like Washu did after his whiny pleading, and used technology but nothing seemed to work. He tried oils to properly lubricate the organ but it didn't gleam like it used to when wetted. He tried high pitched sonic waves, vibrators of a fashion, to shake the grime off but it was satisfactory either.

Finally, to clean out the huge shaft, he tried a vacuum. The suction was tremendous and simply awe-inspiring, making his eyes bug out in joy, but for all that, the device only succeeded on getting stuck on the end. Kagato vividly recalled how embarrassing that situation was, for that night he had invited others to watch his solo performance, only to hear them snicker at the sight. He had his thingy laughed at enough in his lifetime, he swore it will never happen again!

Steeling himself, he called the second smartest man he knew.

"Hello, Dr. Clay." Souja's huge holo-screen lit up.

The old disgruntled man barked, "Hello Dr. Kagato, how are you doing? Washu is away, right?"

"Yes.... but now I have a problem. You see, my thingy is getting backed up and dirty. I wanted to know whether you know of a way of cleaning it."

"Your thingy?" The octupus-head was befuddled for a moment and then sneered back, "I'm not that way, Kagato!"

Kagato wondered why his Academy colleague reacted the way he did but calmed the man down. "I would never think of making you clean it professor. I only wanted to know the techniques or places to go to for getting a thingy clean."

The geezer thought it over and responded, "Well, there are always kindergartens and orphanages."

Kagato scratch his head in befuddlement, "What would little kids know about cleaning thingys?"

The gray haired man flushed red but didn't say a word.

Kagato shook his fist in frustration. "My thingy needs cleaning! Every since I captured...... er I meant Washu left me, no one here can do it properly."

The old hentai leaned forward. "Tell me Kagato. Did Washu clean your 'thingy' in her adult form," his natural sour puss face was replaced by an absolute leer and a hushed whisper, "or her little girl form."

Kagato ire was rising, "It didn't matter to me! Sometimes one way and sometimes another! Why do you want to know anyway?"

Dr. Clay scratched his eternally curled beard, "You say she left you..... I might help you and go look for her one of these days..." The old fool fumbled around, "Oh, of course.... only to get our beloved professor back."

Kagato sighed, "Of course."

Before shutting off the communication screen, the gray beard had one last piece of advice, "I heard that apple pie feels just like the real thing.... only in passing of course.... it's not like I'm lonely or anything."

The seeker of Ultimate Power cried and roared in anguish.... before he had the replicator make an apple pie, and an apple strudel just to be on the safe side.

End part two.

. . . . i'm scared lol

Bwah ha ha ha. Priceless.

Little known history of thingy, Part Three.

Kagato sighed, the shaft was totally smeared with the juices of the apple pie (and german apple strudel) and still it seemed his thingy had gone from grandiose to merely limp, the stiff structure seemed gloomy and downtrodden all of a sudden.

Worse, the sticky substance had dried on the main pole and he let the sticky substance stay, even though it made him uncomfortable looking at it, he was determined to make the dispenser of fruity advice clean up the mess. He looked at his once wondrous thingy and thought to himself, "Instead of apple, I think I should have popped a few cherries with it instead. That would have undoubtedly made the thingy much happier and cleaner."

He tapped at a console and typed in coordinates of where he knew Dr. Clay lived and the Souja lurched forward at his request.

He went to bed, knowing it take a while to reach his destination. He eyed the thingy sighing, it was a while since he played with his organ and he could almost feel it twitching to be used, but his hands simply did not have the strength to grasp it properly that night and bring a climatic cresendo that would leave him feeling satisfied.

He didn't have a good night's sleep, tossing and turning, his urges burning through his body, radiating outward, his lust was complete and he soaked his sheets in sweat. Later that restless night, he woke up, his huge organ was being played with, without his permission! He felt it to the core of his being and shivered. His thingy rattled and emitted strange sounds, he did not know the cause of these nocturnal emissions but he would find out. He snapped his fingers for the lights to turn on and froze, seeing that Washu's flea-infected pest had found its way to his thingy.

He screamed out, "This isn't some big carrot you can play with!"

The furball looked up at him, it's eyes innocent and the cabbit cocked her head, "Miyah?!" Not botheing to stop, it strolled about, its paws were purely amatuer but Kagato took in deep breaths as Ryo-ohki bounded from spot to spot, playing a discordant and chaotic melody, yet it was like music to Kagato's ears. He never considered it, but her paws felt like pure magic and carressed the right spots on his thingy. He sighed out while she kept playing with his organ and he mumbled out, "Is this your first time, Ryo-ohki?"

It "miyaed!" again and he responed, "I figured Washu got you to paw her organ first..... but it'll still be special for both of us. Are you sure about this?"

"Miyah!"

"Really? Do you mean it?"

The cabbit ignored him and he couldn't help but feel a bit cheapened, after all, not just anybody was allowed to touch his thingy and the fleabag jumped up and down on it, but despite its massive size her face remained neutral as if she felt nothing! How many thingys did she already play?! But seconds later, Kagato was beyond caring, as Ryo-ohki increased the frequency of her small hops up and down, Kagato knew the cresendo was nearing and he clutched his sheets in anticipation. Finally, it came time, because of the creature's swift motions, his thingy hit its pitch and shot out blast after blast, the sheer power causing the long shaft to quiver and vibrate, Kagato ripped the sheets, as the powerful cresendo hit its high.

As suddenly it began, it was over and Ryo-ohki slumped forward, tired and her legs gave out. Kagato lovingly lifted her off his thingy and they settled in bed together, the shivering cabbit rested near his head and he kissed the cabbit's sweaty forehead. "Was that as good for you as it was for me?"

"Miyah....." it hushedly meowed out, slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Wait.... I want to talk.... can't we cuddle a bit?" Kagato pleaded, hoping beyond hope this wasn't another one night debut.

She "miyahed" again and nuzzled into his shoulder. He began, "Ryo-ohki.... I watched you grow up since Washu made you..... and I always wanted to play with you.... now my greatest dream came true!"

The cabbit tiredly "miyahed" again and flopped over, not really seeming to care and Kagato's stomach sank slightly but he still held onto hope. "Ryo-ohki.... I'd share anything with you..... tomorrow I'll let you blow my flute and toot my horn, okay?" A slight frown spread on his face as snoring came from the cabbit but he turned the lights out with a sigh and shut his eyes, anxiously anticipating what the future could bring.

In the morning Kagato yawned happily and stretched his arms, trying to feel where Ryo-ohki could be and his heart froze, she wasn't there. He hurriedly slipped on his cloak and teleported throughout the ship, moving from deck to deck and room to room. Finally, he saw a note pasted on the breakfast table. With shaking hands he snatched it and opened it and read the dreadful note.

It said: "Miyah Kagato. Miyah miyah miyah. Miyah miyah moon orgy miyah 101 cabbits miyah miyah. Miyah miyah Ken-ohki miyah miyah. Miyah, --Ryo-ohki"

Tears welled up in his eyes and he crumpled the cursed note and summoned a holoscreen, needing someone to talk to.

Dr. Clay's face showed up on the screen and quirked his eyebrow. "You again?"

Kagato weakly nodded his head and sputtered out, "All women are the same. All of them! They see the size of your organ and think..... and think.... that you are an easy play. That they can have a one night concerto with you and never call again...." The man with small glasses hunched over, wracked with sobs.

Clay looked befuddled but tried to calm the young planet destroyer down, "There, there... it can't be that bad. I lived through the same thing too.... as soon as the women I meet can figure out how to dial 911.... er did I say that out loud. The point is you have to let them go some time.... for me it's usually when they graduate elementary school.... Say what, you should come over and we'll visit a few Catholic Girl Schools to cheer you up?"

Having planned to visit the old proffessor anyway.... Kagato nodded until he saw a half-eaten carrot dumped on the floor next to him and he crumbled inside, the pain was too fresh and the Doctor comforted him, "It'll be ok, you'll see."

Kagato futilely punched the console, "You don't understand, no one understands! Dammit, she told me 'miyah' and I believed her. She told me 'miyah' and I trusted her!"

Kagato shut the screen off and blindly stumbled in bed sobbing, his last thoughts were that he should have had control in heat of the moment, that emotions were for fools and that he should have thought with his brain, not his thingy.

Poor Kagato. ;~; Ryo-ohki is a real heart breaker. I can't believe she'd tell him miyah if she didn't mean it!