Manic-Depressive Illness has been taking over my life rapidly for about 2 years now, yet my mom refuse to take me to see a doctor because she doesn't want to "Waste money", and she feels it's a huge waste of time on her part. My mom suffered with the same thing when I was born, and she told me once that all I have to do, is find something to occupy my time, and keep my mind on something happy and non-stressful.
Most of the time I have a burning desire to hurt someone or myself for reasons that are completely ridiculous such as being told to do something or a small fight with my older sister.

Everything is difficult to handle when you don't know when you'll fly off the handle. I can be play fighting with my sister, and all of the sudden I can't take it and I'll hurt her. ((happened before)) Or I got so angry I stabbed my dad with a fork ((the only thing I could get to))

Manic-Depressive Illness is hard to slow down when you are juggling other "problems"

Borderline is a main issue of mine. As well as being Schizotypal.

Just incase you need some help:
http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm

I just now come for help because things are becoming too hard for me to handle on my own, I just need someone to talk to..

I don't know if there is much anyone can do from so far, but.. I will take anything offered..

If additional imformation is required please just ask.

Yeah, depression sucks. Most people think you can just "get over it". Nope. That's not how it works. That's not how any mental illness works. Hell, I should know, having had extremely severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for a time myself. I still have it, but it's gotten much, much better, due to decent amount of therapy and daily medication. Therapy is probably what you need. I mean, yeah, talking about it with normal people is fine, and definately encouraged, because we will listen, but none of us know how to correct the problem. Don't get me wrong, we all do care about you, ECF, but like I said, none of us are psychaitrists. When you get to the point of not being able to control yourself, call a hotline. They're free, and, hopefully, somebody on the other end will know what to do. But, on the other hand, your mom does have a good point. Think of happy things. It will make you feel better, even if that feeling is short-lived. And that's what counts...feeling better. Feeling good. Feeling like even though things have been sucky in the past, and may be sucky in the future, for at least this brief moment you can feel truly happy.

Then start over.
The ticket to the futrue is... always opened. That's my advise to you. Depression is an evil thing. It can warp the mind. However, you are in control! You must keep telling yourself, "I won't let it control my life". I never had depression so I can't help you, but we can at least give you encouragement for you to conquer it. We'll continue to pray for you, Chibi. I would love to hug you right now, but we can at least give you love, confindence, and encouragement by via pc.

Minagi's right. We'll listen. We'll help you however we can. Don't lose faith in your religion. And never, ever lose faith in yourself. We can help you through this, but only if you're willing as well.

I don't "blame" God.
As much as I hate blaming other people, I have to.. The true fault belongs to my parents.

I don't want to sound all goth "oh, woe is me, I hate my life and everyone in it."

Because we all know I'm not like that. My dad used to be abusive, until he.. had a complete turn around he stopped drinking and everything.

Now, he tries to get close, but it's too hard for me.. but I don't hate him completely..
My mom like I said before, is like me..

Our whole family is a load a nothing.. we are all fakers..
When we go places.. everyone thinks we are the typical "wealthy, happy, carefree" family.. and we aren't.

So I guess that's what ticks me off the most..

Reading? ECF, we're on a forum. Reading isn't a problem for us