Frackin' crack!

supergirlcomix · **Posted:** Thu Oct 30, 2008 9:14 pm

...I await the day eagerly. ^_^

Minagi · **Posted:** Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:25 pm

^.^

I'm a dog
I gash and nash
I bite back
They bite me back
I bite harder and claw at their back
My enemy then whines and I begin to mark at it
My enemy trots off with his tail between its legs
I howl at the bright moon
I tear apart my meal and drink the blood
I tear the hairy skin off and shake it off from the meat
I lick the rib cage and chew on it
Then a bigger enemy comes about
It's a wolf with meancing eyes
My eyes get wide and a deep thunderous growl comes deep from within my chest
He bows his head and stares me down
I stand my ground
He then charges, I shift my hands in the attack stand
He jumps and I lunge
He bites down on my head and I bite its leg
I throw it to the ground and bite and slash
He however, has the upper hand
He moves to my throat and clamps down on it
He shreds my neck and I feel pressure and pain on my neck
I can't even howl or wine due to the pressure!
I drop to the ground twitching here and there
I look at my victor eating my meal
Everything goes blury... and then... nothing
What a dog eat dog world

I'm not sure where I was going with this, theirs no anology present whatsoever.

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Thu Oct 30, 2008 11:08 pm

Awesome poems Minagi.
I enjoyed the Hallow's Eve one especially.

On the newest one:
I will say, the wording is so simple. Not a bad thing though.
Good to get the image across.

:]

Dream
It's been 48 hours since she last lifted her head
Stuck there
Pulsing with heavy-hearted discontent
A feverish plague smothers her pale form
And yet
Her placement seems fitting, don't you think?
Pensive expressions encircle the afflicted
Her eyes
Dart back and forth beneath grey lids
Unbeknownst to her watchers, she endures
Silents cries
As her wings are ripped from her being
Failed attempts at life has left her shaken
And praying
For a miracle that will never reappear
Trapped in a nightmare she has created
For her
Waking is a far-fetched dream

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:51 am

Words With Power

If these words were just enough
To end my life for good
My hand would cramp so fast
No longer misunderstood

I'd scribble in my grave
And note myself in white
I'd write in my few last words
Show them how I've had to fight

If these words could change my tears
Into waves of ocean's blue
I could flood the entire world
And we could all just start brand new

So we wouldn't have to hurt
And never have to cry
We could all live life in peace
If I could, I'd like to try

If these words could just erase
All the dumb things that were made
You and I would surely notice
That these words would start to fade

But if hope is what we yearn for
Then we best not try to miss
The whole point of lovely words
Is hope we can't dismiss

Minagi · **Posted:** Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:20 am

Awesome job on the poems Lee!
This one will suck like the last one, but I'll give it a shot

I'm so tired
Hours and hours of work
Endless hours
I work dillagently on my projects
Squeezing, pounding, tieing, and lifting
I move through each item to the next
After one task is done another begins
I only stop to drive to another destination for work
I am young and just about too step into the real world
Yet I feel like an old man that has seen to many things in this world
I look through my glasses to inspect my work
If it suits me I place it aside
If not I work on it some more
My eyes are bloodshot, saggy
My hands are black and greesy
I will not stop until my work is done, but when will that be?
Until someone says, "You are no longer needed"
Or until sweet death comes?
Time will tell as I continue to work

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Fri Oct 31, 2008 11:10 pm

It's not bad.

Not at all!!

But a word of advice: If you want to write something completely meaningful and eye-catching, I would choose a subject with passion. Some everyday topics can be interesting, but you're poetry won't 'pop' unless it's a deep rooted subject in which brings in soul for interpretation, not brains.
You know?

No poems tonight from me. I'm in a good mood. I love life tonight.

Minagi · **Posted:** Fri Oct 31, 2008 11:30 pm

Ya ya
How 'bou this

My hands hold my head
My eyes are as large as saucers
The blood veins of my eyes are as noticable as tree roots
I think "when will the paranoia end?! When will I get a straight answer?"
This sick lil' mind game gets old
I stare back at the screen my hands cover my mouth
I stare at those words, "We might be going to another church"
... Why? Which one do you want?! You said you love this Church
You said all the other ones are man-worshipers
This worships the Lord
Why do you abandon me?! WHEH WILL THE TORMENT END?! I HATE THIS! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL FOR ANYONE ELSE! EITHER SAY, "I'm tired of you, good-bye" OR LET DEATH COME! WHICH ONE WILL IT BE?!
Which ever one is the quickest... I hate this feeling of helplesness
What to do? Oh, Lord what do I do? It is in your hands now my Lord & Savior
Let it play out you see best

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:29 am

Mucho better Minagi! I like it.

You seem to have conflict imagery down.
The only thing you should exercise is fitting all emotion and concepts into fewer words.

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Sat Nov 01, 2008 11:00 pm

Random sadness spike.

What I leave Behind

They are mine which hits the floor
So many times I've seen before
My tears are forever falling

So many things are left undone
What's on my shoulder weighs a ton
These regrets I can't exchange

Nothing left to do but grieve
What I wear is on my sleeve
Liquefied rubies spill to the floor

My world has long-since turned to grey
What am I, but my own prey
My worst enemy mimicks my image

The pain; I should have thought it through
My ending above all, is what I knew
Burdening the world is a job I leave behind

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Sun Nov 02, 2008 4:38 am

Heads Up - Too many people haven't gotten the 'snow' reference, and keep asking me what 'ruttish' means.
Snow - Cocaine
Ruttish - Horny

Behind Closed Doors

Every girl wants to be her
She's the top girl in her class
Stopping every guy in site
Her eyes as clear as glass

It seems she's got everything
Her compassion over-pours
Because you'd never ever guess
What her life is behind closed doors

When she walks inside her house
Her mom is taking pills
To forget she has a kid
Complaining she needs refills

In her very tiny room
She gathers all her drugs
And leaves through open window
To go find some ruttish thugs

Wandering the streets
She makes a couple trades
And she finds a lonely place
To feel her snow and blades

She's in the middle of a ripple
Self degrading her own blight
Numbing out, she's dry of tears
Just to make it through the night

By the time she's back at school
She shows a smile, of course a fake
She doesn't dare try to explain
Because it's more than she can take

Minagi · **Posted:** Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:27 am

Nice.
Apparently, I need to find the right balance.... lemme have a never whack at it

I walk in the middle of the night
My steamy breath erupts from my nostrils
I look up and see that brilliant shining moon and it's so many billions of trillions of stars
I look back down on the Earthly level and observe my enviornments
I stand in a chilly creek with snow all around me
Ocasionally, I hear the chirp of a bird or the errie sound of something stepping on the frosted snow
I wade through the water using my torch as my guide
The water ripples between my legs and then repricates to the banks
It's a blissful feeling of when the water gently bumps against the shore
I keep wading looking left... and then looking right
And then I see it!
A small yellowish box with a rugged exterior
Inside holds a racoon that has passed on
I collect the animal and place him in my pack
Yes! My prize!
I collect a few twenty more from the boxes and from the water
The exillirating feeling of collecting this animals and being out in the darkness braving the unkown...
The most exiliarting feeling I think nothing Earthly could ever beat it
Hunter, Gatherer is my name

supergirlcomix · **Posted:** Sun Nov 02, 2008 11:58 am

ECF-

Loved "What I leave behind." Also enjoyed "Behind closed Doors".

Must find where I put "Twisted Fairytale"...that story was flaunt worthy.

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:23 pm

Thanks. :]
I can't wait to read it. If you find it. No rush though.

Minagi, you seem to be in Story-mode still. The only thing that makes your poem a poem, is the way you start new lines.

It's like a novel lacking quotes.
It's not a bad thing, but I feel like I'm reading a book, not a poem.

I guess it makes sense, though. All those things you wrote as ideas for a story, were magnificent.

It's hard to explain. It's meant to be rhythmical.

Minagi · **Posted:** Mon Nov 03, 2008 8:19 am

... how the heck did I go from poem to story. OK I'll refraim from posting a "poem" till I can do it right.

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Mon Nov 03, 2008 3:36 pm

No no!
Don't stop.

You're basically describing your actions. Using 'I'.
Which, is okay. But you're popping from one scene to another. It's not very consistent. Though as a whole it makes sense.

Maybe try some rhyming?
You don't have to though. It makes for good practice.

Frackin' crack!

Who is online