| Tenchiboard: Anime and More http://bbs.noneedfortenchi.com/ |
|
| Frackin' crack! http://bbs.noneedfortenchi.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=3926 |
Page 2 of 8 |
| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Thu Oct 30, 2008 9:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
...I await the day eagerly. ^_^ |
|
| Author: | Minagi [ Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
^.^ I'm a dog I gash and nash I bite back They bite me back I bite harder and claw at their back My enemy then whines and I begin to mark at it My enemy trots off with his tail between its legs I howl at the bright moon I tear apart my meal and drink the blood I tear the hairy skin off and shake it off from the meat I lick the rib cage and chew on it Then a bigger enemy comes about It's a wolf with meancing eyes My eyes get wide and a deep thunderous growl comes deep from within my chest He bows his head and stares me down I stand my ground He then charges, I shift my hands in the attack stand He jumps and I lunge He bites down on my head and I bite its leg I throw it to the ground and bite and slash He however, has the upper hand He moves to my throat and clamps down on it He shreds my neck and I feel pressure and pain on my neck I can't even howl or wine due to the pressure! I drop to the ground twitching here and there I look at my victor eating my meal Everything goes blury... and then... nothing What a dog eat dog world I'm not sure where I was going with this, theirs no anology present whatsoever. |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Thu Oct 30, 2008 11:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Awesome poems Minagi. I enjoyed the Hallow's Eve one especially. On the newest one: I will say, the wording is so simple. Not a bad thing though. Good to get the image across. :] Dream It's been 48 hours since she last lifted her head Stuck there Pulsing with heavy-hearted discontent A feverish plague smothers her pale form And yet Her placement seems fitting, don't you think? Pensive expressions encircle the afflicted Her eyes Dart back and forth beneath grey lids Unbeknownst to her watchers, she endures Silents cries As her wings are ripped from her being Failed attempts at life has left her shaken And praying For a miracle that will never reappear Trapped in a nightmare she has created For her Waking is a far-fetched dream |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Words With Power If these words were just enough To end my life for good My hand would cramp so fast No longer misunderstood I'd scribble in my grave And note myself in white I'd write in my few last words Show them how I've had to fight If these words could change my tears Into waves of ocean's blue I could flood the entire world And we could all just start brand new So we wouldn't have to hurt And never have to cry We could all live life in peace If I could, I'd like to try If these words could just erase All the dumb things that were made You and I would surely notice That these words would start to fade But if hope is what we yearn for Then we best not try to miss The whole point of lovely words Is hope we can't dismiss |
|
| Author: | Minagi [ Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Awesome job on the poems Lee! This one will suck like the last one, but I'll give it a shot I'm so tired Hours and hours of work Endless hours I work dillagently on my projects Squeezing, pounding, tieing, and lifting I move through each item to the next After one task is done another begins I only stop to drive to another destination for work I am young and just about too step into the real world Yet I feel like an old man that has seen to many things in this world I look through my glasses to inspect my work If it suits me I place it aside If not I work on it some more My eyes are bloodshot, saggy My hands are black and greesy I will not stop until my work is done, but when will that be? Until someone says, "You are no longer needed" Or until sweet death comes? Time will tell as I continue to work |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Fri Oct 31, 2008 11:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
It's not bad. Not at all!! But a word of advice: If you want to write something completely meaningful and eye-catching, I would choose a subject with passion. Some everyday topics can be interesting, but you're poetry won't 'pop' unless it's a deep rooted subject in which brings in soul for interpretation, not brains. You know? No poems tonight from me. I'm in a good mood. I love life tonight. |
|
| Author: | Minagi [ Fri Oct 31, 2008 11:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Ya ya How 'bou this My hands hold my head My eyes are as large as saucers The blood veins of my eyes are as noticable as tree roots I think "when will the paranoia end?! When will I get a straight answer?" This sick lil' mind game gets old I stare back at the screen my hands cover my mouth I stare at those words, "We might be going to another church" ... Why? Which one do you want?! You said you love this Church You said all the other ones are man-worshipers This worships the Lord Why do you abandon me?! WHEH WILL THE TORMENT END?! I HATE THIS! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL FOR ANYONE ELSE! EITHER SAY, "I'm tired of you, good-bye" OR LET DEATH COME! WHICH ONE WILL IT BE?! Which ever one is the quickest... I hate this feeling of helplesness What to do? Oh, Lord what do I do? It is in your hands now my Lord & Savior Let it play out you see best |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Mucho better Minagi! I like it. You seem to have conflict imagery down. The only thing you should exercise is fitting all emotion and concepts into fewer words. |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Sat Nov 01, 2008 11:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Random sadness spike. What I leave Behind They are mine which hits the floor So many times I've seen before My tears are forever falling So many things are left undone What's on my shoulder weighs a ton These regrets I can't exchange Nothing left to do but grieve What I wear is on my sleeve Liquefied rubies spill to the floor My world has long-since turned to grey What am I, but my own prey My worst enemy mimicks my image The pain; I should have thought it through My ending above all, is what I knew Burdening the world is a job I leave behind |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Sun Nov 02, 2008 4:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Heads Up - Too many people haven't gotten the 'snow' reference, and keep asking me what 'ruttish' means. Snow - Cocaine Ruttish - Horny Behind Closed Doors Every girl wants to be her She's the top girl in her class Stopping every guy in site Her eyes as clear as glass It seems she's got everything Her compassion over-pours Because you'd never ever guess What her life is behind closed doors When she walks inside her house Her mom is taking pills To forget she has a kid Complaining she needs refills In her very tiny room She gathers all her drugs And leaves through open window To go find some ruttish thugs Wandering the streets She makes a couple trades And she finds a lonely place To feel her snow and blades She's in the middle of a ripple Self degrading her own blight Numbing out, she's dry of tears Just to make it through the night By the time she's back at school She shows a smile, of course a fake She doesn't dare try to explain Because it's more than she can take |
|
| Author: | Minagi [ Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Nice. Apparently, I need to find the right balance.... lemme have a never whack at it I walk in the middle of the night My steamy breath erupts from my nostrils I look up and see that brilliant shining moon and it's so many billions of trillions of stars I look back down on the Earthly level and observe my enviornments I stand in a chilly creek with snow all around me Ocasionally, I hear the chirp of a bird or the errie sound of something stepping on the frosted snow I wade through the water using my torch as my guide The water ripples between my legs and then repricates to the banks It's a blissful feeling of when the water gently bumps against the shore I keep wading looking left... and then looking right And then I see it! A small yellowish box with a rugged exterior Inside holds a racoon that has passed on I collect the animal and place him in my pack Yes! My prize! I collect a few twenty more from the boxes and from the water The exillirating feeling of collecting this animals and being out in the darkness braving the unkown... The most exiliarting feeling I think nothing Earthly could ever beat it Hunter, Gatherer is my name |
|
| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Sun Nov 02, 2008 11:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
ECF- Loved "What I leave behind." Also enjoyed "Behind closed Doors". Must find where I put "Twisted Fairytale"...that story was flaunt worthy. |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
Thanks. :] I can't wait to read it. If you find it. No rush though. Minagi, you seem to be in Story-mode still. The only thing that makes your poem a poem, is the way you start new lines. It's like a novel lacking quotes. It's not a bad thing, but I feel like I'm reading a book, not a poem. I guess it makes sense, though. All those things you wrote as ideas for a story, were magnificent. It's hard to explain. It's meant to be rhythmical. |
|
| Author: | Minagi [ Mon Nov 03, 2008 8:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
... how the heck did I go from poem to story. OK I'll refraim from posting a "poem" till I can do it right. |
|
| Author: | Tseyluna Lee [ Mon Nov 03, 2008 3:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Frackin' crack! |
No no! Don't stop. You're basically describing your actions. Using 'I'. Which, is okay. But you're popping from one scene to another. It's not very consistent. Though as a whole it makes sense. Maybe try some rhyming? You don't have to though. It makes for good practice. |
|
| Page 2 of 8 | All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ] |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|