Confessions

Tseyluna Lee · **Posted:** Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:24 pm

I'm not who you think I am.
I'm a filthy liar.

I'm as sarcastic as they come.
I twist my truths to the point of major exaggeration.

I haven't always been like this.
Only recently have I truly discovered what I have become.
I didn't even realize what I was doing, until it got out of hand.

It started with one lie.
Then lead to another.
It becomes a serious problem when you lie, and start believing yourself. You become your lies and think nothing of it.

I had to cover up my mess with another subconsciously.
I don't even remember where it started.
It was almost like a game, but I didn't know I was playing it until it was too late.

That's what happens when you try to escape your true self.
And when you doubt yourself.

Being bipolar doesn't excuse this sort of behavior.

The truth is.. I love my mom very much, but I can't explain it. I haven't said "I love you" to her face in years. I'm not used to it. It's unfamiliar to me. I can't place unfamiliar words with a common emotion.

Sure, she is your typical mother. Nagging, over-protective, and annoying at times. That's to be expected.
But this new identity I have created without thought, didn't like it, and turned her into an overbearing psycho.
She is sick, yes. But hopefully, by the grace of God, she'll be fine. She's crazy in a funny, strange way.

My dad, did have anger issues. But those problems have been gone since his life was turned around. We've been part of a great church for about 7 or so years. Most of you already knew my dad is a deacon.
And a hard worker.
He's also one of my best friends. As some of you know.

As a result of this, I'm leaving for good.
There's no point in staying here if my words can't be trusted.
And you all have the right to be angry, and not trust me.

Things that I will continue to do, is draw, and write. And it's only my fault that I can no longer share my work with you.

But I still love you guys.
As friends (or former friends, you decide) you have the right to know.
I'm sorry.

Minagi, you're one of my first friends from the board, and my best friend. Even though I'm leaving, I won't forget how you tried to keep me on a righteous path.
Comix, I don't even really know you well, but I enjoyed having another female on the board to relate to. And you kept my mind off all my doubts with your amazing art and gave us something positive to come together with.
Bkev, you're just an amazing person. And have always been on my buddy list. Your love for music and digital banners and art also gave us something in common. You kept me on track and gave me something to laugh at when I needed it.
Everyone else, we never talked much. But I didn't ever exclude you from comments. You guys are great.

This is my last post. I'll be logging out and taking the board off my bookmarks. I won't be here to reply to what you say. If you absolutely need to chew me out, you all know my aim and yahoo screen name.

But I do know I'll be working on myself.

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. If not, maybe you'll just forget me.
I'd like to redeem myself. But I don't believe I deserve the chance.

Bye guys. I still love you.

Minagi · **Posted:** Wed Dec 17, 2008 11:19 am

T.T Bye bye Whitney. I luv you so very much. I swear a tear formed in my eye when I read this. No matter, we can still hang out on Yahoo and Facebook ^_T

Confessions

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