Crude.

No, I liked the Police Horse one, but they're still crude.

Language.

http://i.imgur.com/nO6aQ.gif

Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.

Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: She is the one who can eat the last donut.

Once there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on.” So making the supreme sacrifice, he gave up baked beans. They were married shortly thereafter.

Months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and he had to walk home. On the way home, he went into a small cafe and called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. After making the call, he smelled baked beans in the cafe. They were the best beans he had ever smelled! He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home he had gas.

His wife seemed excited and somewhat agitated to see him, exclaiming,”darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!”

She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dining room table. He seated himself. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned. Seizing the opportunity of her absence, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air about him.

Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on. So he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a prize winner. He figured that he must be done. But then he made a third fart. This one made the flowers at the table wilt! Yet somehow his wife didn’t hear him.

While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall, he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his freedom. He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. He assured her that he had not.

At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise — Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.

Q. What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A. Both of their last hits were The Wall.

Q. What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A. The little boy in the trunk of my car.

Thou I'm leaving the board, I'll leave you all with a few final jokes, even thou nobody gives a shit about my jokes.

A. What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A. A half hour of begging.

Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to f!@#?
A. When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Q. Which artist had five consecutive hits in one day?
A. John Lennon.

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

“You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.”

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man’s anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes’ silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index finger?”

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other,

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."

After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole fucking thing.

I got one, kinda stupid but anyway...

Q: What do you call a nun who's had a sex change?
A: A transister

There was an old maid from Camelot,
Who survived on frog shit and snot,
When she grew tired of these,
She'd eat the green cheese,
That she scraped from the sides of her twat.