I stopped at a bench, and sat down. As I was enjoying my relaxation time, I was nearly hit by a flying flamberge.
"Hmmm, didn't I throw this away?...well, whatever."
I had a bad feeling...and suddenly the rAnDoM zOmBiEs attacked!
Coming from the lowest circle of Hell itself, they raid the Earth with a hatred that is paralelled by nothing.
Using the flamberge, I fought my way through the crowd of zOmBiEs, and, reaching the rAnDoM zOmBiE lEaDeR, I cut his head off with one swift stroke.
The rAnDoM zOmBiEs dissappeared! I picked up the head and chucked it at the next poster.

And by the way, a flamberge is a sword with a curved, almost serrated blade.

The dark cloaked figure walked down the street when he was suddenly hit in his shin by the head. He picked it up and carefully avoided the mouth. " Who the heck let you lot out? Is beezlebub trying to take over the world again?" He asked the severed head. It merely looked at him with a evil glare. The cloaked figure then chucked the head in a nearby mail box ( the big kind). " There, no one will find it till it's starved to death, err, redeath, hmm. It should be a skull by the time the mailman gets here." he said. He then looked at the surrounding text. <_< >_> " WHY IS EVERYTHING PAST-TENSE!!!" he said. "AHHHHHHHH! I hope by throwing this text rectangle will make the past-tense go away!"

abcdefghijklmnop
qrstuvwxyz12345
67890!@#$%^&*

Meanwhile in Innsmouth.
"Hhmmm to get past this door, I need to say an incantation.... What on earth could it b- AHHHHH! Text Rectangle to the face!!"
Falls to the floor, the Book of Dagon falling open on the floor also.
"Wait a second, this page tells me how to translate this text rectangle into speach!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
Then something appears.
The Thing cannot be described-- there is no language for such abysm of shrieking and immemorial lunacy, such eldritch contradictions of all matter, force and cosmic order!
Cthulhu: "Yum Yum!"
"Egad! I've summoned Cthulhu! That'll teach me for translating and SAYING OUT LOUD random text rectangles that hit me. I mean, saying it loud was just dumb. I mean, who would say out loud some spell or evil summons? Wait, I have an idea!"
Picks up Cthulhu somehow, despite him/her/it being the size of mountains, and weighing tonnes and tonnes, and throws him to the next poster.
"Yay! The World is saved!... Well, at least I am.... until he comes back..."
Nyarlathotep:"... real smooth, man."
"Shut up, crawling chaos..."

The skinny black woman is running down a road into a mountainous area when Cthulu lands next to her. She addresses it in its native tongue, which it is so surprised to hear any mortal speak that it forgets to eat her and answers. The skinny black woman then replies, "No, the Vatican's to the east of here, you're several thousand miles off . . . would you like me to help you get on your way?" She then kicks Cthulu towards the Vatican and the next poster. It flies over the city where she left and goes on much further than it would have gone if a normal woman had kicked it.
The skinny black woman continues on her way, starting to whistle.

-was walking down the highway getting hit by tons of cars out of sorrow for missing stealing the pen from the library-

God... WHY DID I DO IT?!

-is hit by yet ANOTHER car and dodges Cthulu-

Frickin cars!!!

-mindlessly gets hit by more cars and then falls off the bridge and lands on some random kid-

I returned to my trusty bench, when suddenly a monstrous being landed next to me. We looked at each other out of surprise for a few moments. It then promptly gobbled me up in one bite.
"Hmmm, well, this is new..." I said as I landed in its fiery pit of a stomach.
"How am I gonna get out of this mess?"
Then I remembered. I still had my flamberge! YAY!
After a good hour of slicing and dicing, I made it to the outside world. I was free from the beast!
"Crap, now my flamberge is all dull and gooey with Cthulhu guts..."
I (once again) chucked my flamberge at the next poster.

-got up and "accidently", killed the mere idiotic child and dusted my clothes with my hands like in cartoons-

Stupid awesome pen...

-has a flamerbage chucked at my head-

OW!!!! WHAT THE F*CK!!!! WHO THE HELL DID THAT?! (Hell is not a bad word. Really.)

-burns the flamerbage to goop and tosses the steaming hot goop at the next poster-

This stupid thing hit me so many times...