Not really looking for a pity party, but she just collected her things from my place. We talked last night and today she awkwardly picked up the stuff.

Seeing her again made me miss her more than I thought possible. This is the worst I can remember feeling. Hope it doesn't last too long though.

Thanks again guys, for trying to help and comfort. I should learn to give up I guess.

Not logging on for a while, hope to talk to you guys soon either way.

(We rock! YES!)

Hang in there Crumpets. It's probably for the best in the long run.

The strangest thing... I'm not depressed anymore. Sad, YES but not depressed.

I've found my calling, when there seemed to be nothing over the horizon, a sudden and violent ray of hope blistered the landscape.

Today in misery I called my friend (who's a girl, of whom I treat like a guy) and she was hanging out with a mutual friend (my first girlfriend, 6th grade[held hands twice and lasted a few days]) and the mutual friend's baby.

Instead of actually hanging with them an engaging in their hot topics, I was enthralled by the child. I've always like children, but this was different.

I need to be a father. I feel a purpose in life now, and that is to bring into this world something created by me, raised by me, and taught to view the world as me. I need a child.

The happiness of being around that baby was different than when I was with her, nonetheless, it was a happiness I've never felt before.

SO! I've got some work to do :)

As for not being on, the child experience has cheered me up in a way that I'm not familiar with, in case some were to inquire on my lack of keeping my word.

Ask anyone, I keep my promises, express or implied. But I feel this is a different scenario, with room for exception.

Good, I think.

I am happy that you are re-energized!

^_^

I wish you well on your quest.

Just don't end up like my father. ^_^

Yeah, good feeling gone. Back in the cave.

She wants to be friends.

Hanging out tomorrow.

Yeah, good feeling gone. Back in the cave.

She wants to be friends.

Hanging out tomorrow.

Bah. Give up on her, man. I don't know how long you've gone after her, but the philosopher Mick Jagger once said you can't always get what you want. She's not right if she lacks commitment.

They all do.

And conviction.

It's ridiculous. Seeing her in like 5 minutes. We'll see how it goes.

She got mad at me for breaking down, drunk, talking to my friends about it. (not crying, but actually saying how I feel and whatnot)

Didn't say anything bad, and she got mad thinking they think badly of her.

She cared more about how my friends (whom she never met) THOUGHT about her, as opposed to caring about me having to confide in friends.

I must be crazy if I think this is normal.

She loves me!! Didn't say it, but definitely known. I've seen it before. All the same characteristics.

She just can't say it, neither could I. Still not together, but I feel a change in the wind...

Well, Crumpets, I can't say much other than good luck. It seems when things are going good you two are just right - let's hope it happens.

I hope your happiness stays, filled with clarity.

I now see that pattern.

She does this when she feels it, and feels it during certain events. And now I know of these events.

I do the same thing, never really noticed til now.

We'll see what I can muster up...

Not that happy, but not sad, eating more, still no gym. Complete "meh" when we're not talking. When we are, I'm a wee little girl.

SO GAY!

It's quite a roller coaster you two seem to be on, yikes! ^_^;; It even went so far as her picking up her things and leaving, but yet that invisible string keeps pulling you back together again. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but the frequent emotional swings are going to burn you out eventually. It's interesting that you've recognized a pattern to all of this which is a great thing really. It will help you anticipate and at the very least be ready next time it comes around. I really hope she comes around and admits her feelings and then something wonderful could really happen. ^_^