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| not right! http://bbs.noneedfortenchi.com/viewtopic.php?f=41&t=4403 |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
My parents are treating me like I'm 12 again. Home by 10 and in bed by midnight. They forget that I go to bars, have friends, and a job that I leave at 9 usually. So my parents got worse, at least in high school I could be home later, granted I wasn't grounded, which I was most of the time. DAMN a whole childhood wasted being grounded... No wonder. Kittie, move out when you can, save ALL YOUR MONIES |
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| Author: | mjhennessey [ Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Hmm, I don't think that moving out is the answer that Kittie is looking for. It's the separation distance that's causing her a lot of pain, so increasing the separation will only make it worse in my opinion. The impression I get from the opening post is that there is something going on with your mom, something is wrong or something is hurting her inside. There's no way for me to know what that is, but being close with you somehow makes her pain worse therefore doing the avoidance thing is just something she does to avoid causing herself pain. Her interest in other distractions like novels and TV could also be an indication that there are things she is trying to keep out of her mind. Unfortunately, at the same time she is causing you distress by doing these things. I know we don't really know each other Kittie, so hopefully I'm not out of line by suggesting that you should not give up on your mom. Try to talk with her sometime and see if you can get her to open up about what is troubling her. If such an opportunity arises I think you will know it. Try to be sympathetic and not judgmental and try to be a friend, someone who wants to help her out. Often we can never imagine the hurts that other people carry around with them every day of their lives. If you can heal your relationship with her now, you will never regret it later on in life. |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Fri Jul 17, 2009 2:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Well, if her mom is detached, and she's already in high school, it's not something she'll just admit and break down crying for an apology. Moms tend to be... Resentful, and ominous. There's a chance her mom doesn't want to fix anything. The harder Kittie tries, the harder the failure will hit when she finally leaves. But, in lieu of optimism, her mom may in fact be facing certain difficulties in life that she wasn't ready for and a loving and caring child may renew the matriarchal bond that has been found wanting as of late. Up to you Kittie, but do or do not, there is no try. |
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| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
O_O My mother's not omnious and resentful. She gets a bit snappy at times, but she's married to an alcoholic, so I don't blame her. I'll make sure you'll get my number and address when I'm at college Kitty babe. You call me up if you need anything. Just because I'm seven hours away doesn't mean I can't love the crap outta you! |
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| Author: | <3kittie<3 [ Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
thank you comix! the things mj is right... she has problems and i already know some of them (i had to listen to the yelling and screaming and also got in trouble for yelling at them a time or two).... she doesn't let me in on anything though.... i hate to say it but my mom is acting like her parents..... her mom was a b**ch who didn't (and doesn't) care about her family.... and her father who is controlling and really mean.... all i get is teased and ignored.... i once again attempted getting to know my mother.... and once again i failed.... i don't even know my own mother yet i'm a prisoner to her words.... maybe crumpets is right and i should just.....give up.... |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Now now, never give up! I'll never tell anyone to give up, ever. But a change in tactics could help. Definitely a change in location. Once you have some distance, reestablish contact on an adult level where she has no control over you. Maybe she will actually have a conversation. But never give up, never surrender. |
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| Author: | <3kittie<3 [ Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
yeah well she said the same thing about her parents and her mom never talks to us and her dad spiols his stepkids and doesn't care very much for her |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Well, do you believe in nature or nurture? Your mother may in fact be capable of compassion and more than willing given the circumstance unlike her family that she was raised in. There's always another way. No such thing as a "no win" scenario. |
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| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Kitty...this is a situation that you kind of have to wait for. Parents treat their children in more adult manners when their children actually become adults. You might have to wait until graduation for a big change to happen. Right now, your mom might not want you to know somethings. Unfortuately, nothing you do right now is going to change her mind. Be patient. A few year isn't as long as you think. It goes by VERY VERY quickly. |
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| Author: | <3kittie<3 [ Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
yeah but i'm the one being completely ignored.... i'm not being treated like a complete child just like i'm not there half the time..... |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Well, if reasoning doesn't work, and trying to get her attention in multiple ways doesn't work, then maybe you just need to wait it out. |
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| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Sat Jul 25, 2009 9:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
Patience is difficult Kitty dear. One of the many reasons for my bells. 9_9 If you have that consant ringing follow you for four years...eventually...on that last daybefore I graduated...I was ready to just have them stop. I still have no idea what I'll do with them now. I was cussed out so many times...but kept them for so many reasons.... |
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| Author: | mjhennessey [ Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
I also agree with Comix on this too, right now the time just isn't right. However, waiting and watching is not the same as giving up. See what you can learn by observing and at the same time look for the next opportunity when the time will be right. It might not be right away, maybe years down the road, or maybe next week. Only the future knows. If you try again, please do not become upset or give up if you fail. Just be gentle with her and try to build trust a little bit at a time. I'm also thinking that your mom may not be ignoring you per se. Her life may be so disorganized right now that she has reached her limits. To me you seem to have yourself in pretty good order, so maybe your mom sees you as one of the things in her life that is not coming apart at the seams and thus you don't need constant attending to like some other disasters she may be dealing with. That's kinda hypothetical, but if it's true she may feel horrible about what the situation is doing to you and can't bring herself to apologize, not yet anyways. From what you said about your grandparents Kittie, your mom probably has a lot, a lot, of pain buried deep in her heart that she doesn't want to feel or want anyone else to see. Talking about it will bring that pain to the surface where she will feel it again and so she will be very reluctant to do so. She might even lash out at you if she thinks that you are trying to "pierce her armor" so to speak. Only if there is a situation where she feels completely safe from harm will she be able to calm her fears. She will only jump if she knows that someone will catch her Kittie. You'll need to be that person for her. It seems to me that you love her a great deal, I know you can do it. *hugs* ^_^ |
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| Author: | supergirlcomix [ Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
MJ, you have the wisdom down. Are you a Buddah? |
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| Author: | crumpets the wise [ Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: not right! |
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